Still I Will Sing

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Sometimes we go through trials and the pain of those trials remain. I feel like the trial I am going through is never ending. It’s hard to explain the roller coaster emotions that I’ve gone through. Some days I am okay with not having a baby. Other days… I am not okay with it at all. I feel this emptiness and longing for something that seems like it will never come. Will I ever make my husband a father? Will I ever become a mother?

I don’t understand how most of my friends and family member have babies and I do not. Keeping the hurt of that inside is exhausting. Some days I wear my pain on my face and everyone can tell something is wrong with me. I’ve realized that talking about my pain helps.

What doesn’t work is giving up, keeping it in and doubting God. Last week at church was our youth service. Our Youth Pastor preached about Thomas – the doubter. He gave a whole new outlook on Thomas. Thomas wanted to know for himself what was the truth. He didn’t want to go off the word of others. I realized that I was actually doubting God’s ability to do something, not seeking out His will.

I have a love/hate relationship with God’s correction. I hate that feeling of conviction, but love that God speaks to me and convicts me of things.

I realized that I cannot give up on God. Just because something hasn’t happened doesn’t mean it won’t. Whether we have a baby naturally or by adoption I believe that one day we will have a baby!

In the meantime I will sing! I heard Kari Jobe’s song I will Sing from her new album The Garden this morning.It brought me to tears. My favorite line is “Your word won’t return empty”. How powerful!

I will Song by Kari Jobe

I need to see You here
I need to know You’re in control
Though my heart is torn wide open

I will trust, I will remember

I need to hear Your voice
Speaking to silence all my doubts
Your word won’t return empty
You will break through every darkness

Even when my breath is weak
I will sing, I will sing
Even in my suffering
I will sing, I will sing

I need to feel Your hope
Rising above my greatest fears
Even death has been defeated
I will trust, I will remember

Even when the shadows fall
I will sing, I will sing
Even when the night is long
I will sing, I will sing

Hallelujah
I surrender all to You
Hallelujah
You are God, You won’t be shaken
Hallelujah
I surrender all to You
Hallelujah
You are God, You won’t be shaken

I need to see You here
I need to know You’re in control
Though my heart is torn wide open
I will trust, I will remember

 

God is greater than my fear and pain. He CANNOT be shaken. I will continue praying and trusting in God. He alone can calm my fears and give me peace.

Philippians 4:7 And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

Instead of doubting God, run to him and keep praying and believing.

Love in Christ,

Iva Mae

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Come To The Well

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I have what you need, but you keep on searchin’. I’ve done all the work, but you keep on workin’. When you’re runnin’ on empty and you can’t find the remedy, Just come to the well.

You can spend your whole life chasin’ what’s missing but that empty inside, just ain’t gonna listen. When nothing can satisfy and the world leaves you high and dry, come to the well.

The above lyrics from Casting Crowns, The Well stuck out to me. I’m done searching for something that I cannot get myself. I’m done stressing over things I cannot control. I’m done chasing things that do not bring me happiness. I am done holding onto things that I need to give to God fully!

I have had a mindset lately that has brought me down. I have let so many things bog me down and keep me in chains. I’ve let Satan have a hay day in my mind.

I forgot who the true enemy was. I have been dwelling on financial mistakes that I’ve made and worrying over how to fix them. I cannot fix it. I know God can but I don’t want to let my burdens go. I keep looking at what every body else has and dwelling on what I don’t.

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The above verse says several things.

  1. Take Heed- take caution, pay attention!
  2. Beware of covetousness- watch out for your desire to have what others have.
  3. Your life is not in the things that you own or don’t own.

L.U.S.T. – Living under Satan’s Thumb. We all lust after something.

We all have a desire/lust for more than what we have. Sometimes it becomes so strong that it takes over our thoughts and our lives. It will drive a wedge between you and God really quick.

God is the source of all joy and happiness. He has store houses full of things that we need.

Luke 12:28-30 “ If then God so clothe the grass, which is to day in the field, and to morrow is cast into the oven; how much more will he clothe you, O ye of little faith? And seek not ye what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink, neither be ye of doubtful mind. For all these things do the nations of the world seek after: and your Father knoweth that ye have need of these things.
God know what we need. He will feel the emptiness. He will take the burdens. All we have to do is go to him. He will fill our empty vessels.
Sometimes to be filled we must first be empty. We must get rid of the pursuit of perfection, fears, temporary pleasures, earthly treasures, dried up & empty religion, chains of addiction and guilt that brings you down (These are all mentioned at the end of the Casting Crowns song The Well).
We must lay those things that have filled us up and left us filling empty. Give it to God. I have the hardest time doing that. I like to be in control. I hate to lose control of anything.
…life hits you out of nowhere and barely leaves you holding on. and when you’re tired of fighting chained by your control, there’s freedom in surrender. Lay it down and let it go…
I am still working on letting go and letting God. It is hard for me.
God has a never ending well and water that will quench your thirst. (John 4)
I am going to be working on letting go of my worry, my doubt, my fear and letting God take care of me. He can do it better than I can.
I know this was short and simple but this has been on my heart. I encourage you to listen to the songs below and to pray and ask God to help you let go of the things you need to and to fill your emptiness with his love.
Songs:
The Well by Casting Crowns
Just Be Held by Casting Crowns

Doubt

I hate doubting! When I doubt something it consumes me. I can’t get it off of my mind. It eats at me.

Sometimes our doubts are things that are good to doubt. For instance, doubting whether or not a stranger off the street will give a million dollars, that is something unlikely to happen. Other things, like if God can forgive us is not something you should doubt.

Satan is really good at bringing up past things that I’ve done and that I’ve already asked God for forgiveness for and that God has forgiven me for. Yesterday in my Pastor’s message, he mentioned that. He also said that God doesn’t remember them because he has already cast them as far as the east is to the west.

Psalms 103:11&12 “For as the heaven is high above the earth, so great is his mercy toward them that fear him. As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us.”

Satan remembers our sins and we remember our sins. Satan loves to try to bring you down with things you’ve done in the past. He wants to do whatever he can to ruin you so you cannot be a vessel for God. He likes to poke at us a prod and mock us. He will bring up everything you’ve done. Sometimes out of the blue!! The other day, I randomly remembered when I was 2 and I walked by my Grandma’s room and saw $20 sticking out of her purse. I grabbed it and stuck it in my little cat purse. I really don’t think I knew it was wrong. I started dwelling on that. How ridiculous! Things like this and others Satan likes to throw in our minds so we get tripped up.

I did a study on doubt. What is it? What can it do? What does the bible say about this?

Doubt by definition is: to be uncertain about something: to believe that something may not be true or is unlikely; to have no confidence in someone of something; to lack confidence, to consider unlikely.

  • A synonym is, to question.

When we doubt, we start questioning. It makes sense. I started questioning God did you ever forgive me? I remember getting saved so yes he did but sometime the question still remains.

The Casting Crowns song, “East to West” is a perfect example!

I really like the first verse.

Here I am, Lord, and I’m drowning in your sea of forgetfulness. The chains of yesterday surround me. I yearn for peace and rest. I don’t want to end up where you found me and it echoes in my mind, keeps me awake tonight. I know you’ve cast my sin as far as the east is from the west. And I stand before you now as though I’ve never sinned. But today I feel like I’m just one mistake away from you leaving me this way.

I know that I am not the only one to have ever felt this way.

I realized that maybe at the root of me wondering is doubt. I’m lacking faith and I’m letting Satan get the best of me.

Isiah 41:13 “For I the Lord thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee.”

Romans 8:39 “Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

God’s word says that he will hold our hand and help us. It also says that nothing can separate us from the love of God.

 2 Corinthians 12:9 “And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”

Jesus says His grace is sufficient for me!!! That is the answer. Yes he can forgive me and yes he has forgiven me of my past sins that I have already asked him forgiveness for!

I wrote this blog over a 2 day period. I am thankful that a friend on Facebook posted 2 Corinthians this morning. It spoke to my heart and overwhelmed me with God’s love. I love when God speaks to you through His word!! Thank God for people who have things put on their hearts to help others. You never know something you say or do may help someone else!!

Have you ever felt that way? What did you do to help you get over yourself?

Love from above,

Iva Mae